This isn’t an easy confession. I am a self-centered person. Most of my prayer life centers on what I need. I’m most driven to my knees when I’m suffering some unfair treatment—at the hands of others or by the cosmos. I know, in my mind, God allows suffering to draw us closer to him. But I’d like to get past this—hitting the floor in simple worship.
A.W. Tozer writes, “In all else he (the natural man—you and me) may willingly accept the sovereignty of God; in his own life he rejects it. For him, God’s dominion ends where his begins. For him, self becomes Self, …” The Knowledge Of The Holy Page 29
It occurs to me that often, when I’m struggling to know God, even when I’m in worship, Self is asserting itself. If I’m honest, much of my desire to know my Creator is in an effort to manipulate life. I want to know how to approach the Throne to get my prayers answered. On my own I mess up my life by doing it my way, and my deepest desire at that time is to learn how to get my world in working order.
This is the “good works” attitude. I thought I’d progressed past the idea that I can gain God’s favor by doing it right. No one gets it right. Salvation is by God’s free unmerited grace. Maybe I need to forget working on what I should do to please God, and just love him.
Jesus said, if anyone would follow him, he should deny himself, (get rid of Self) and take up his cross. (sacrifice) (Matthew 16:24)
I’ll attempt to sit back and worship God for who he is and not for what he can do for me. As a sinner, saved by grace, I’m not sure I can appreciate the wonders of God without focusing on how they benefit me. But I’ll ask Almighty God to help me get beyond almighty self. I want to love God, just to love him.
I recommend The Knowledge of the Holy for deep thinking. I was not paid for the recommendation and purchased the book with my own money.