My Sister
by Susan Anspaugh

            My sister died this week.  She was 5 years older than me (so, of course, she was very young).   It was not a huge surprise.  She had an undiagnosed condition for a couple of years; she was partially blind.  She worked in a position she hated.  She had been divorced most of her life  and had brought herself to financial ruin trying to make sure her boys had the very best educations they could get.  Yet, when she was in the hospital this past February and her doctor told her she COULD NOT return to work, she was way too sick, and she told her oldest son, his reply was (paraphrased),  ‘You better.  You sure can’t afford not to work.’

            I don’t know if he meant to be as cold and unfeeling as he sounded or if he really thought, somehow, it would be more to her benefit if she returned to work.  Ultimately, it is a moot point because it sure doesn’t matter now.  The scraps of her life that remain will be split between the boys and any advantage she may have gained from working these past two years, spending more and more time in hospitals and visiting doctors and running up bills, will pass on for them to enjoy.  Was it worth it?

            I loved my sister and my heart is torn with her passing.  I know she was not ready to die.  She had many things she wanted for her life that never happened.  This could be any one of us at any time.  How many things do you have for which you are longing?  A better job?  Someone to love you?  Retribution for a wrong?  A finer house?  A fancy car?  Evidence you were right?  Your child to appreciate and love you? All the unfinished business of our lives that distracts us from the really important things of life.

           “Do not love the world or anything in the world…….For everything in the world—the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does—comes not from the Father but from the world.  The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever.”( 1 John 2: 15a, 16-17, NIV)  It is not that any of the tangible objects of life are inherently evil; they are not.  Being blessed by God is a wonderful thing.  It is when we become focused on these things and they dominate our lives, the cravings and the longings and the unfulfilled desires that drive us, that we fall into much sorrow and pain.  When we sell our souls for gain or fame or to prove a point, or to ensure our future, life is wasted and too quickly passes away. 

           I am fortunate in that I have hope for my sister.  She was a believer.  I am sorry she had to pass through death in this current world; I don’t expect that passing was easy.  I don’t want to have to go through it either; not today, or tomorrow, or ever.  So, I try to focus on living as God would have me live.  It means fighting my own human desires--particularly to be proven right these days—and the voice that says “you can’t afford to not act like a human.” It requires turning to God’s word again and again and trusting him more than the world I can see.