Believers and Divorce
by Susan Anspaugh

            Some would say that by ever allowing reasons for divorce, we cause people to sin by giving them an excuse for a sinful behavior.  Humans need no excuse or reason to sin; we ARE sinners and it is our nature to do what we should not.  We constantly engage in sinful behavior. When we end our marriages in divorce, we are admitting how far we are from where God would have us be.  I can say this because I am divorced.  I know first-hand how little good comes from divorce and how long range the ramifications are. 

            …”For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh?  So they are no longer two, but one.  Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” Mt. 19: 5,6 (NIV).  It is such a beautiful idea—the height of romance and everything I know I dreamed of as a young girl.  To be one with someone else is more than physical; it is a oneness in heart, mind, and spirit.  It is the marriage Paul describes when he says, “Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.” I Cor. 7:5 (NIV).  Do you know a couple this focused and committed to each other and to God? I don’t.

            Divorce is merely the evidence of what is wrong in the lives of each of us.  The truth is, I am not particularly lovable.  I may have moments, but much of my life is involved in how I am experiencing events and it does not take much for my relationships to spiral out of control.  Even if I were the angel I am in my mind, I cannot make my husband behave as God would have him behave.  Husbands kill their wives; pastors kill their wives; wives kill their husbands.  Every category of social/economic/intellectual/political status cheats on their spouses.  Is divorce worse than murder?  Is divorce worse than taking one’s own life?  Is divorce worse than raising children in a home filled with strife and anger and turmoil and disregard and disrespect for each other?  Is it worse than teaching children abuse and hatred is normal?  Is it worse than a home where there is no ‘us’?     

I am not pro-divorce; but, it is not the worst thing.  There are times in life where there are no good choices.  Divorce is one of those.  No believer should enter into divorce ‘for any reason’:  life is not necessarily better on the other side.  However, unfaithfulness is more than physical.  Unfaithfulness is refusing to love your spouse, the person to whom you have committed your life.  An unfaithful, abusive, hate-filled marriage presents no image of Christ to the world; it does not raise children to love Jesus.  It does not demonstrate the love of God.  If we, ‘love our neighbors as ourselves’ (Mt. 22:39), divorce will never be an issue.  Divorce is failure to achieve what God has called us to be.  Let us then focus on loving each other truly, as Christ loves his children, and divorce and divisions among believers will become unnecessary.  When sin is overcome by love, we will all succeed.